


Karma is a cruel mistress

by 4thofFive, missmeagan666



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:19:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4thofFive/pseuds/4thofFive, https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmeagan666/pseuds/missmeagan666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the title says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Missmeagan666 gave me some prompts a while ago asking me to write them into a stories. At first I was going to say no since I don't do many prompts but since she's so fabulous I offered her an alternative - tell me what she imagined for one of the stories, what scenes she would like and even give me a bit of dialogue and I would put it all together. This is the result. She's as much the writer of this as I am.
> 
> It's fluffy and improbable but it's just for fun.

This time Danny was totally unsympathetic.

When Steve hurried into his partner’s office with his “Danny, help me I did something bad” face on, the detective was determined to stay strong and not cave into that look – no matter how cute it was – because it always got him in trouble.

“The Governor wants to see me,” Steve whispered as if their voices were being recorded by hidden microphones.

“Uh huh,” Danny responded blandly, not bothering to look up from the stack of papers on his desk.

“Danno?”

“What?”

Danny glanced up at his boyfriend and almost burst into laughter at the comically stricken expression on the other man’s face.

“He’s going to give me shit about the cruiser,” Steve all but whined, obviously feeling very put out that Danny wasn't rushing to provide comfort and support.

“Good,” Danny replied, struggling to keep from grinning. “You damaged a very expensive, very new police car.”

Steve huffed in indignation.

“It wasn't my fault,” he explained, not for the first time. “I didn't ask that guy to run. If he’d just pulled over when I turned on the overhead lights…”

“Steven,” Danny interrupted, pushing back from the desk slightly so he could look up at his giant of a partner. “The man ran away from Kamekona’s without paying for his shrimp plate. While you were right to go after him, you weren't right to carry out a high speed chase in downtown Honolulu and then crash into the suspect’s car and send it spinning into the intersection. You should have just let him go.”

“Let him go!” Steve replied in outrage, his hands fisted on his hips. “He broke the law.”

Danny shook his head and sighed. He was working on his patience, he really was, but Steve could make Deepak Chopra bitch slap someone.

“There are degrees Steven, even for you. An armed robber gets chased, a food thief does not. Especially if it’s Kamekona’s food.”

Steve folded his lips together primly for a moment.

“But we’re Five-0 and we have full means…”

Danny held up a finger and Steve quieted immediately.

“For the last week we haven’t been Five-0 Steve, we've been HPD, complete with hot, ill-fitting uniforms. And why is that?”

Danny cocked his head and looked up at Steve expectantly.

Steve dropped his head and mumbled something unintelligible.

“Pardon me?” Danny prompted cupping a hand behind his right ear.

Steve heaved a heavy sigh.

“Because I smashed the Camaro into the Governor’s official car last week.”

Steve rolled his eyes to the ceiling and made a tut-tutting noise as if the Governor had over-reacted. He reminded Danny of teenage Grace at that very moment.

“That is correct Steven. And because of that you and I have to do two weeks driving around in a marked police cruiser wearing these monkey suits.”

Danny looked down in disgust at the HPD uniform he’d been trapped in for the last five days. When he looked back up at Steve he licked his lips unconsciously. While Steve looked good in anything, including on one memorable occasion a ripped and half-scorched bed sheet, there was something about his boyfriend in a uniform that made Danny want to…well…do something he couldn't do in the office without being arrested. 

The dark blue HPD uniform shirt was anything but ill fitting on Steve. The shirt fit perfectly, tapering down the V of his torso to his narrow waist and hugging just a bit too tight over the taller man’s well defined biceps. The weight of the duty belt on Steve’s hips caused his uniform pants to hang just a touch lower than could be considered proper. Danny stared for a long moment having forgotten what he’d been talking about. He snapped back to the here and now when Steve waved a hand in front of his face.

“Earth to Danno,” the dark-haired man said with a knowing smirk. “Like what you see?”

Danny wrinkled his nose and gave Steve his best glare.

“Shut up or I’ll kiss that smile right off your face.”

“Promises, promises,” Steve shot back with a grin which quickly slid from his face as he remembered his predicament. Steve wrung his hands nervously.

“What do you suppose the Governor is going to do to punish me this time? What more could he do?”

Danny shrugged with studied nonchalance. 

“Whatever it is he’d better not do it to me as well. He has this strange belief that I can control you and that I should have stopped you from getting into that chase. I don’t know why he thinks you listen to me more than anyone else.”

“I listened to you last night, Danno,” Steve growled softly.

Danny shifted uncomfortably in the chair at the sudden tightening in his uniform pants. His mind flashed back to the previous night when he’d used Steve’s HPD issued handcuffs to tether his partner to the headboard and then slowly undressed the dark-haired man. He left Steve wearing only his holster, duty belt and spit-shined shoes while Danny fucked him mercilessly into the mattress. The detective swallowed thickly.

“Yes, well…” he responded in a strangled voice. “that’s, uh, that’s different.”

Danny cleared his throat loudly then waved a dismissive hand at his partner.

“You’re wasting time. You’d better get going. Don’t want to keep the Governor waiting and risk making him angrier than he already is.”

Steve gave Danny a wide-eyed, hopefully look.

“Maybe you should come with me?” the Commander suggested in a slightly trembling voice, obviously thinking Danny would fall for the helpless little boy act. “The Governor won’t be as mad if you’re there. He likes you.”

Danny gave his boyfriend a cold, unsympathetic smile. 

“I’m afraid not babe. He asked for you, not me. You’re going to have to man up and take your punishment like a good little soldier.”

Steve pushed out his bottom lip in a sad looking pout. Danny half expected him to stomp one foot on the floor.

“Look,” Danny continued, “you go to the Governor and see what he has to say. If you behave and don’t say anything rude to the man, we’ll play cops and robbers tonight and I’ll let you catch me in the act of some lewd and lascivious behaviour.”

A smile lit up Steve’s face and he gave Danny a slow, appraising gaze. He too appreciated how his blond boyfriend looked in uniform.

“Will you resist arrest?”

“You may have to wrestle me to the ground and use your big, hard night stick on me,” Danny replied with a suggestive leer.

Steve swallowed thickly then nodded. Taking one fortifying deep breath, the dark-haired man swiveled and marched out of the office going bravely towards his fate.

 

Later...

 

Danny looked up and felt his stomach flip at the look of horror on his partner’s face. He stood up from his chair and walked quickly out of his office to meet Steve in the centre of the bull pen.

“Steve? Babe? What happened? What did the Governor say?”

Steve shook his head mutely for a moment. He opened his mouth but no sound came out.

Danny grasped his boyfriend by the elbow and shook his arm slightly.

“Babe, it can’t be all that bad. What happened?”

Steve looked over at Danny with haunted eyes.

“I-I have to go to the police academy next week and give a talk on safe driving and then…then I have to do a public service announcement about obeying traffic laws for Hawaii News Now!”

Danny couldn't help it. He could feel the laughter bubble up from the core of his being. He snorted and turned away as his shoulders began shaking helplessly.

“It’s not funny Danny!” Steve whined. “I have to show them pictures of my car accidents and explain everything I did wrong!”

Danny staggered towards his office, laughing so hard that his legs were losing strength. He wrapped his arms protectively around his midsection as he howled in delight. Steve trudged after him disconsolately.

“It’s not funny,” Steve muttered under his breath. "Why are you laughing?"

“Oh god babe,” Danny stuttered out, using the back of his hand to wipe the tears from his face. “Karma is a cruel mistress.”

 

The end.


	2. Karma's Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out there is something that Steve McGarrett is bad at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A follow up to the Missmeagan666/4thofFive collaboration.

Steve felt very old as he looked out at the 30 freshly scrubbed, eager faces assembled before him in room 3G of the HPD training academy. Each young training officer wore a perfectly pressed khaki cadet uniform and the fire of the righteousness of their new-found calling shone brightly in their eyes. The Commander knew that within a year or two they’d be as jaded and cynical as any other beat cop.

 

“So,” Steve continued his lecture stopping his PowerPoint presentation on a particularly gripping photo of the Camaro dangling off the precipice of a cliff, only a small tree keeping it from hurtling to the crashing waves and rocky shore 100 feet below. “I guess I could have applied the brakes a bit earlier in this situation,” the SEAL admitted reluctantly. “But really, Detective William’s screaming was very distracting.”

 

Steve glanced to the back of the room where Danny, who had gleefully invited Kono, Chin and Grover to view the lecture, sat shaking his head in disbelief. Steve had been addressing the class of police cadets for just over 15 minutes and the horrific slide show put together by Chin was giving Danny flashbacks. It was a gruesome recitation of the greatest hits of Steve’s near misses.

 

Steve pressed the mouse button again and an image of a bent and twisted food vending cart appeared on the screen. In the background its defeated-looking owner started at the wreakage in numb disbelief. The Governor had taken the money to replace the cart directly out of Steve’s ammunition budget. Needless to say the SEAL had been grumpy and barely communicative for several days after.

 

“Now this incident happened on our day off,” Steve explained a hint of pride in his voice. “Detective Williams and I were going surfing and I saw a purse snatching in progress. I figured if I just tapped the cart with the front end of the Camaro it would bump into the thief and stop him from getting away and it did.”

 

Steve turned to smile broadly at the class of cadets. He tapped his temple with the index finger of his right hand. “Gotta be able to think fast when you’re a cop,” he instructed. “Be creative.”

 

Danny glanced over to Sergeant Akana, the academy’s vehicle pursuit training instructor. He recognized the pale-faced mixture of disbelief and horror on the older man’s face – Danny had seen it in every mirror he’d looked in after one of his adventures with Steve.

 

A young cadet in the second row cleared her throat and raised her hand.

 

“Yes?” Steve said, pointing at the blonde girl who was maybe 10 years older than Grace. “You have a question?”

 

The cadet rose to her feet and stood by her desk at attention.

 

“Yes sir. I was wondering, um, well you said the Camaro is owned by Detective Williams but you seem to have been driving when all of these accide--er--incidents took place.”

 

Danny snorted loudly and the rest of the team snickered causing Steve to give them a brief glare before turning back to smile at the young woman.

 

“That’s right, Cadet. It is Danny’s car but…well I’m a very good driver…” another loud snort from the back of the room earned his team another glare. “And since I’m the boss…” Steve emphasized the last word specifically for Kono who was laughing so hard she had jammed one fist against her mouth to muffle the sound, “I like to be in control during a pursuit.”

 

“And pretty much any other time,” muttered Danny causing several of the cadets to flash him sympathetic looks.

 

“Now I know these pictures might _look_ bad,” Steve continued, waving one hand dismissively at the screen. “But really, I was just reacting as my training and the situation called for.”

 

“Oh my god,” whispered Chin hoarsely, “he’s going to create 30 mini-Steve’s.”

 

“Honolulu will never be safe again,” agreed Grover running his hand over his jaw and swallowing convulsively.

 

Another young cadet, a muscular Asian man, tentatively raised his hand and when Steve nodded, climbed to his feet and shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

 

“Sir…I wanted to ask you about the incident when you drove the wrong way down the Pali Highway chasing the pineapple truck?”

 

Steve nodded encouragingly. That experience held especially fond memories for him.

 

“Well sir, according to our training manual, the pursuit should be called off when the officer loses visual contact with the suspect vehicle for more than 15 seconds,” the cadet glanced over at Sgt. Akana who smiled like a proud papa.

 

Steve shrugged.

 

“Technically I didn’t lose visual contact with the suspect, cadet.”

 

“But the chunks of pineapple smeared on the windshield sir…” the cadet argued diffidently.

 

Steve raised both hands to his shoulders, palms up as if confused as to the cadet’s point.

 

“That was no problem. I just drove with my head out the window.”

 

**********

 

“Jesus!” Steve yelled as he slammed down his office phone. “What does he want from me anyway?”

 

Danny hurried into Steve’s office feeling a frisson of worry. Was Wo Fat after Steve again? Danny swore he would put a hole in that bastard’s head someday. He closed Steve’s office door and turned to look at his partner who was slumped miserably behind his desk.

 

“Babe?”

 

Steve looked up at his boyfriend and made a disgusted sound from deep in his throat.

 

“That was the Governor. He’s pissed at the lecture I gave at the police academy. Apparently Sgt. Akana told him I was a “menace,” Steve made the quotation marks with his fingers, “and that I was never to speak to his cadets again. Big baby,” the Commander muttered angrily, kicking the bottom of his desk with his boot.

 

Danny pressed his lips firmly together and dropped his eyes to the floor. Now was definitely not the time to say I told you so.

 

Steve shook his head and sighed heavily at the injustice of his life.

 

“I really don’t know what these people want from me. I try to give them the benefit of my experience and skill and they throw it in my face.”

 

Danny had to bite the inside of his cheeks for a moment before he dared to speak again.

 

“Well babe, you still have that PSA to do. I’m sure you’ll wow the Governor with that.”

 

**********

 

“Hi. My name is Steve McGa…” Steve made a face and looked over at the Hawaii News Now producer quizzically. “Should I say Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett or just Steve McGarrett because you’ve written it with just my name but I feel I should give my rank too.”

 

The producer, a sad faced, middle aged man named Mr. Morrison, gave Steve a smile that was little more than the gritting of teeth.

 

“Whatever works for you Commander,” he replied with exaggerated patience. “If you’d like to give your rank, that’s what you should do.”

 

Steve nodded firmly and stood up straight again, glaring into the camera with intent.

 

“Hi. My name is Lt. Commander…” Steve pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I don’t think it’s right that I say ‘hi’. It sounds too casual. I wouldn’t say hi.”

 

As Danny watched from where he stood behind the camera with Kono and Lou (Chin having wisely decided to miss this particular train wreck), he could see Mr. Morrison’s fingers tighten in a white-knuckle grip on his clip board. He couldn’t blame the man. Steve was shooting a 15 second PSA and had already been at it for an hour and a half. 

 

First the SEAL had pooh-poohed the background the crew had chosen for the shot – the Kamehameha statue just across from the Iolani Palace – then, when they arrived in their new location at the HPD impound lot, Steve felt wearing a tee-shirt was too casual for the message he was delivering (something Danny had told him when they were getting dressed in the morning but when did Steve ever listen?) and insisted Danny trade shirts with him. Now they were struggling under a hot afternoon sun as Steve either questioned every word of the script or stumbled over his lines like a shy kid in a fifth grade play.

 

“I guess I don’t know what my motivation is in this scene,” Steve argued, hands firmly on his hips.

 

“Your-your motivation?” Mr. Morrison answered in a strangled voice. “We’re not doing Shakespeare here Commander, we’re just trying to film a PSA – sometime today hopefully.”

 

“My god this is horrifying,” Kono whispered her face pale with shock.

 

“What the hell is wrong with him?” added Grover who had come to believe the young head of Five-0 was invincible.

 

Danny chewed on his bottom lip pensively as he stared at his boyfriend who once again wiped a sheen of sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of Danny’s favourite shirt.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen after five years I think we have finally discovered something Lt. Commander Steven J. McGarrett sucks at.”

 

Kono gulped audibly and raised her hands to cover her face.

 

“I just…I don’t know if I can watch anymore.”

 

“Look at it,” Danny replied firmly, grabbing Kono’s hands at the wrists and pulling them away from her face. “Don’t turn away from the horror. Look on it and learn, Kono. Every man has his breaking point, his Achilles Heel, and we have just found Steve’s. We must remember this day so we can make a sacred vow, written in blood if need be, that we will never, ever let him get in front of a camera again.”

 

“Unless he’s drunk,” Grover added.

 

Danny nodded in agreement.

 

“Or then.”

 

He turned back to watch Steve who had just finished arguing with Mr. Morrison about whether the light from the camera would cast shadows over his face and should he wear a bit of makeup?

 

“McGarrett safe driving PSA,” Mr. Morrison announced sadly for the camera. “Take 22.”

 

“Hello,” Steve began his voice slightly hoarse from overuse. “I’m Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett and I want to…I need to…” Steve huffed in frustration, shook the tension from his hands, took a deep breath and began again. “Hello. I’m Lt. Commander McSteve…ah shit!”

 

Steve turned away from the camera and scrubbed his hands through his hair growling in frustration. Danny knew the time had come to take action. The blond detective walked quickly around the camera crew and up to Steve placing a warm hand on the other man’s shoulder.

 

“Steve, can I talk to you for a moment?”

 

The taller man shook his head rapidly.

 

“No Danny, we’ve got to get this done. I’m sure Mr. Morrison and his crew need to get back to their other assignments and I’m going to nail this fucker if it kills me.”

 

Danny smiled and took Steve firmly by the bicep.

 

“It will only take a minute and I’ll have you right back here, ok?”

 

Danny tipped his head at Morrison and the cameraman as he walked by with his partner in tow.

 

“Take a break ok?”

 

“Gladly,” muttered the producer tossing his clipboard on the ground and sitting down heavily against the trunk of an impounded Corolla. Danny though Morrison’s hair was a bit grayer than it had been a few hours ago.

 

Danny gently pulled Steve part way across the parking lot to a small shack near the wire fence surrounding the impound lot. The detective pulled open the door to the building finding it filled with various tools, small car parts, jumper cables and batteries. He tugged Steve inside and shut the door firmly against the afternoon light.

 

“Danny what are you…?”

 

Without a word Danny shoved Steve back against the wooden door of the shack and began fumbling at the zipper of the taller man’s pants.

 

“Danny!” Steve all but screeched in horror, slapping his partner’s hands away. “I’m filming a PSA, there are people everywhere and you want sex? Are you insane?”

 

Danny smiled softly as he opened the button and pulled down the zipper of Steve’s fly freeing his soft cock from the fabric and wrapping his hand around it.

 

“Babe, you need to relax and calm down if you’re going to finish shooting that stupid PSA.  I know only one sure fire way of relaxing you when you can’t go swimming.”

 

“But…” Steve gasped in very mild protest. His cock was beginning to get with the program.

 

“Shhhh,” Danny breathed softly as his hand stroked deliberately over Steve’s now semi-erect penis, his thumb swirling over the tip at every up stroke, “just relax.”

 

Steve moaned and let his head drop back against the door and spread his feet slightly.

 

“Fuck Danny….”

 

The detective smiled softly as Steve’s hips began thrusting forward unconsciously. His cock was now hard and leaking.

 

“Yeah…Jesus…” Steve whispered his breath speeding up.

 

Not wanting to get any tell-tale evidence on Steve’s pants or his own, Danny dropped to his knees on the dusty floor of the shed and swallowed Steve’s cock whole until his nose was buried in the taller man’s public hair.

 

“Oh Danny, fuck!” Steve shouted, his eyes flying open in shock. He looked down to watch his boyfriend’s head bob up and down on his cock while Danny’s hands fondled his balls gently.

 

“Oh…Danny…” Steve whined, feeling his orgasm fast approaching. He buried his fingers in Danny’s hair and squeezed his eyes shut wishing he could delay his release as long as possible. But with the obscene sounds Danny was making combined with his talented sinful tongue, Steve had no hope.

 

The Commander froze for a moment then his body jerked convulsively as he came in long pulses down Danny’s throat. After a few seconds he was sucked dry and he slumped weakly against the wooden walls of the hut as Danny quickly cleaned him up and tucked him back into his pants pulling up the zipper and fastening the button.

 

“There,” Danny said briskly, as if he’d just finished filling out a requisition form. “Let’s get back to the TV crew and put this thing to bed.”

 

Pushing a still weakened Steve aside, Danny opened the door of the shed and strode back toward the camera crew with a smug smile on his face. Steve took a few extra moments to gather himself before following his partner.

 

As Danny took his place next to his team once again, Grover gave him a questioning look.

 

“Everything ok?”

 

Danny smiled brightly at the older man

 

“Everything’s just fine. Steve just needed a firm hand.”

 

Kono narrowed her eyes suspiciously and turned at the crunch of gravel. She watched a calm, smiling and loose-limbed Steve stroll up to the producer and camera man.

 

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Steve ordered giving Mr. Morrison a friendly slap on the shoulder before taking his mark in front of the camera once again.

 

The young Hawaiian officer turned to look at Danny, her eyes wide with sudden understanding.

 

“Oh no, you did not!”

 

The detective blinked at her innocently.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t what me Daniel Williams! Steve was doing his just-laid walk. I can’t believe you did…” the young woman waved her hand in a loose circle in the direction of the small shack “… _that_  in a public place.”

 

Danny smirked and crossed his arms on his chest. He turned his attention back to Steve who was fussing with the collar of his shirt as the cameraman made a few last minute adjustments to the lights.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Kono. And it’s not really a public place.”

 

Grover looked Danny up and down then tore his eyes away shaking his head slightly at the images now running though his mind.

 

“You may want to brush the dirt off your knees Danny,” he whispered just as Steve began speaking into the camera.

 

“Hello. I’m Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett head of Hawaii’s Five-0 task force and I want to talk to you for a moment about the traffic laws that keep you and your family safe…”

 

 

The end.

 

 


End file.
